Book Reviews and Highlights

I Am Enough

Marisa Peer

  • Body, Mind & Spirit
  • Healing
  • Personal Growth
  • Self-Help
  • Self-Hypnosis
  • Patterns and behaviors that make you unhappy do not need to stay that way forever.
  • Foreword | Page: 145
  • #habits
  • Without even realizing it, people adapt to their negative patterns until those patterns rule them.
  • Foreword | Page: 147
  • #habits
  • The brain can change and is happy to, if you help it develop new neural pathways.
  • Foreword | Page: 149
  • #brain
  • In my long career as a therapist, thousands of people have walked into my office for thousands of different reasons.
  • Introduction | Page: 166
  • #first-sentence
  • It is my understanding that humans come onto this planet with two powerful emotional needs: to find connection, and to avoid rejection.
  • Introduction | Page: 180
  • #emotional-needs
  • If you dig deep enough into the emotional problems of almost anyone, you can trace their issues back to a lack of fulfilment of those two needs.
  • Introduction | Page: 181
  • #emotional-needs
  • The first type of client is a person who would love to have it all— loving relationships, a great job, financial security, and self- love, confidence, and inner peace— but can't manage to attain any of it, let alone hang on to it.
  • Introduction | Page: 203
  • #therapy-clients
  • The second type of client is one who has many of those things described above but is sabotaging them in major or minor ways such as addiction, workaholism, or cheating on their spouse.
  • Introduction | Page: 204
  • #therapy-clients
  • And the third type, the rarest type of client who does manage, through working on their mindset, to attain it all— relationship, health, career calling, well- being, inner peace— is working on their ability to share it with other people.
  • Introduction | Page: 206
  • #therapy-clients
  • Feeling disconnected or rejected can lead to all sorts of issues that manifest in the types of clients who belong in groups one and two.
  • Introduction | Page: 209
  • #social-rejection
  • When you like yourself, your life is extraordinary
  • Introduction | Page: 221
  • #self-esteem
  • This isn't the same as ego or narcissism; it's a sense of radical self- love. It's a stated, embedded, unshakable belief in the worthiness of one's self.
  • Introduction | Page: 234
  • #self-esteem
  • The truth is that the human mind has one simple job: to keep you alive as long as possible. To do that, our mind is an expert at helping us avoid and flee what causes us pain or danger.
  • 1 Hell Is Not Your Morning Commute | Page: 1
  • #survival
  • We tell our brain that it's stressed and that we're under direct threat, and lo and behold, it believes us. Hour after hour, day after day, our brain uses the language it hears us using to inform how it should feel.
  • 1 Hell Is Not Your Morning Commute | Page: 2
  • #stress
  • This is the first important lesson I want you to learn: Your mind does what it thinks you want it to do and what it truly believes is in your best interest.
  • 1 Hell Is Not Your Morning Commute | Page: 2
  • #mind
  • You are giving your mind instructions, through your words, that are triggering a physical fight or flight response.
  • 1 Hell Is Not Your Morning Commute | Page: 2
  • #fight-or-flight
  • Every word you say becomes a blueprint that your mind and body work to meet and turn into your reality.
  • 1 Hell Is Not Your Morning Commute | Page: 3
  • #words
  • A useful metric when it comes to updating our beliefs is that it takes between ten days and twenty- one days to let go of an old belief and replace it with a new, better one.
  • 1 Hell Is Not Your Morning Commute | Page: 7
  • #belief-system
  • Examining how babies behave in certain circumstances where adults struggle is instructive in so many ways. The reason for this is that babies still have something we were all born with, but often lose: the birthright of confidence.
  • 2 Why Babies Aren’t Afraid Of Flying | Page: 8
  • #confidence
  • Everything you feel is the result of just two things: 1. The pictures you make in your head. 2. The words you say to yourself.
  • 2 Why Babies Aren’t Afraid Of Flying | Page: 8
  • #words
  • If you use the wrong words, you create the wrong reality.
  • 2 Why Babies Aren’t Afraid Of Flying | Page: 11
  • #words
  • She was a perfect example of the fact that in order to underachieve you have to fill your mind with negative thoughts and images, and to overachieve you simply have to do the opposite.
  • 2 Why Babies Aren’t Afraid Of Flying | Page: 13
  • #positive-attitude
  • Be kind and encouraging and supportive to yourself and you'll be amazed at how much easier the world around you seems to become.
  • 2 Why Babies Aren’t Afraid Of Flying | Page: 16
  • #positive-attitude
  • You can choose whether to be negative and critical about yourself or positive and full of praise.
  • 2 Why Babies Aren’t Afraid Of Flying | Page: 17
  • #positive-attitude
  • One more thing— you do have a choice, we always have a choice. You can choose to be negative, use negative language and feel lousy because of it or you can choose to be positive, use positive language and notice your life gets better.
  • 2 Why Babies Aren’t Afraid Of Flying | Page: 17
  • #positive-attitude
  • One of the things you learn as a therapist is that deep down, most people want the same things. They want love, in the form of affirming relationships. They want security, usually in the form of money and social ties. And they desire success, or the feeling that they’ve made a contribution and accomplished something.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 19
  • #hierarchy-of-needs
  • This truth is that when left to its own devices, the mind rejects the unfamiliar and returns to the familiar.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 19
  • #mind
  • Powerful, brilliant men are culturally familiar; powerful, brilliant women are less so.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 20
  • #sexism
  • If you’ve never had money, you don’t know what it feels like to invest, to save, or to have spare cash at the end of the month.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 22
  • #money
  • Once we make the idea of money as a renewable resource— our personal energy and output— more familiar, we see that money can come and go a lot more easily. It holds less power over us because we see it as a direct result of our own efforts, rather than something that we have to fight and claw for.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 23
  • #money
  • Not only does the mind want to return to what is familiar it also likes us to recreate scenarios that remind us of our childhood but to put a happy ending on it.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 26
  • #childhood #mind
  • This client needed to make being praised, appreciated and being in a mutually equal relationship familiar— rather than feeling as though she was walking on eggshells, waiting for someone’s temper tantrum to pass so she could mend things once again.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 26
  • #praise
  • She had never experienced what it was like to be praised for her personality or innate qualities— only for her actions to please her father— so she didn’t go after guys who praised her simply for being herself.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 26
  • #praise
  • The point here is not to run around and proclaim your greatness to the barista or your colleagues; the point is to familiarize the sound of praise to yourself.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 27
  • #praise
  • Present praise to yourself, make it familiar and then your mind will present it back. Very soon, praise will stop being what you do and become who you are.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 27
  • #praise
  • As you look forward in your life, you are bound to encounter situations that can cause you hurt or anger. To avoid this hurt or anger mutating into shame or unhelpful belief systems, you have to make sure you express your feelings as close to a triggering event occurring as possible.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 30
  • #conflict-resolution
  • While it isn’t always advisable or possible to express your hurt or anger to the person that caused it, you always have the option of going somewhere private and expressing your hurt out loud.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 30
  • #conflict-resolution
  • Saying out loud, just to yourself, “I was hurt by…… it hurt me when…….”, is so effective at getting the hurt out and the more you do it the easier it becomes.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 31
  • #conflict-resolution
  • The fixed beliefs my clients hold about themselves are the biggest blocks to achieving their goals.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 32
  • #fixed-beliefs
  • Where did that belief come from? Who gave it to me? Who gave it to them?
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 32
  • #fixed-beliefs
  • The point of doing this is that the minute you begin to question a belief you no longer hold it to be true, because as you question you chip away at it until it's gone.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 32
  • #fixed-beliefs
  • The common denominator of all our emotional issues is that we feel that we are not enough and we feel different so we can’t connect. Yet our survival is linked to our need to connect so it becomes a spiral, a vicious circle.
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 32
  • #survival #i-am-enough
  • “I am enough; I am here with something valuable to offer; love happiness and success are available to me; I connect with people easily because I belong to life and I am always supported by the universe.”
  • 3 Why You Don’t Want To Be A Lottery Winner | Page: 33
  • #i-am-enough #survival
  • If you do what you have always done, you get what you have always got. Mark Twain, Author
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 34
  • #habits
  • Each morning, when they get up, they do what they hate or dislike and get it done first. Indeed, doing what you hate— and getting it out of the way by doing it first— is one of the quickest ways to inject success into your life. If you can create this habit and apply it across your life, you will see your life change.
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 34
  • #habits
  • You must latch on to the belief that your mind does what it thinks you want it to do, and that the words and pictures you use repeatedly are very powerful in creating how you actually feel.
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 36
  • #habits #beliefs
  • Getting the thing you hate doing out of the way by prioritizing it has the power to change your life.
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 37
  • #habits #beliefs
  • “All habits— no matter how large or small— have three components, according to neurological studies. There's a cue— a trigger for a particular behavior; a routine, which is the behavior itself; and a reward, which is how your brain decides whether to remember a habit for the future.”
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 38
  • #habits #power-of-habit
  • Remember what Duhigg said about the science behind habits? It involves a cue, a behavior, and a reward.
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 39
  • #habits #power-of-habit
  • However, the thought of picking up the phone and “pitching” myself to busy journalists and editors was not appealing as it involved rejection (which is, of course, our greatest fear).
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 40
  • #habits #power-of-habit
  • There were so many things I’d rather do instead, but I knew I had to prioritize it or my ideas and book manuscripts would sit in drawers literally and metaphorically unless I made a concerted effort to raise my public profile.
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 40
  • #habits #power-of-habit
  • By the time I had raised my public profile, I had become very comfortable at pitching and making cold calls; as we know, the mind learns from repetition, and I’d repeated the scary activity so many times it had ceased to intimidate me.
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 40
  • #habits
  • Drawing on the lessons from the first two chapters, it’s really important for you to change your internal dialogue to convince yourself that you are “choosing” to do what you hate.
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 40
  • #habits
  • But if you interrupt your mind and change your language to something more neutral: “I am choosing to do this first, for the feeling of the reward I get,” you make it far more manageable.
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 41
  • #habits
  • Other phrases that can work are: “I am determined to be successful, therefore I do what I don’t want to do and I do it first” as well as: “I’m choosing to do what I don’t want to do. I’m choosing to feel great about doing what I don’t want to do.
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 41
  • #habits
  • I’m choosing to do it first,” reminding yourself that successful people do what they hate first and if you want the same success you must choose to do the same.
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 41
  • #habits
  • My favorite saying that I repeat a lot is, first you make your habits— and then your habits make you.
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 41
  • #habits
  • If you’re having trouble delineating between doing something you hate (that will take you to where you want to go) and doing something that is broadly not serving you, it can be helpful to use the “Three Ps” test. Ask yourself is this thing: Permanent? Personal? Pervasive?
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 43
  • #three-ps
  • If it is not PPP all the time, it can’t hurt you unless you let it.
  • 4 To Be Successful, Do This First | Page: 44
  • #three-ps
  • One of the guiding principles of my methods is the power of repetition. If you repeat anything often enough, whether it’s good or bad, you can instill it in your brain.
  • 5 There Are No Shortcuts - But There Is Only One Guarantee | Page: 45
  • #habits
  • Do one thing each day in the direction of your dreams.
  • 5 There Are No Shortcuts - But There Is Only One Guarantee | Page: 45
  • #habits
  • What I am asking you to do is choose one thing in your life that’s really important for you to achieve— in any area of your life— and commit to doing one small thing every day in service of that, even if it’s for just a few minutes.
  • 5 There Are No Shortcuts - But There Is Only One Guarantee | Page: 46
  • #habits
  • “What makes a successful person stick to their goals?” The answer is that there is no single shortcut to this.
  • 5 There Are No Shortcuts - But There Is Only One Guarantee | Page: 46
  • #success
  • If you show up to something, each and every day, you’re guaranteed to get closer to it. If you don’t, you won’t.
  • 5 There Are No Shortcuts - But There Is Only One Guarantee | Page: 46
  • #success
  • As Olympic swimmer, Matt Biondi, is quoted as saying: “Persistence can change failure into extraordinary achievement.” The same is true for you.
  • 5 There Are No Shortcuts - But There Is Only One Guarantee | Page: 47
  • #success #persistence
  • But when you take action every day— even if it means just going for a brisk walk or doing some stretches on Christmas Day, for example— you continue to move closer to it with ease. Once again, there is no shortcut here, but there is a guarantee: Show up and you’ll see results.
  • 5 There Are No Shortcuts - But There Is Only One Guarantee | Page: 47
  • #success #persistence
  • When you feel better about yourself you start to conduct yourself with the air of someone who is successful— which in turn makes you successful.
  • 5 There Are No Shortcuts - But There Is Only One Guarantee | Page: 48
  • #success
  • And remember—what you want, wants you. What you are moving towards is moving towards you.
  • 5 There Are No Shortcuts - But There Is Only One Guarantee | Page: 49
  • #sucess
  • In my years as a therapist, I’ve definitely observed that people who can delay gratification are more likely to fall in that rare, third category of clients who “have it all.”
  • 6 Your Mind Is Like A Classroom Of Three-Year-Olds | Page: 51
  • #success
  • Slow down, work less, learn more, and think long- term. To get started, follow the 5- hour rule: For an hour a day, invest in compound time: Take that nap, enjoy that walk, read that book, have that conversation. You may doubt yourself, feel guilty or even worry you’re “wasting” time… You’re not! Step away from your ‘to do’ list, just for an hour, and invest in your future.
  • 6 Your Mind Is Like A Classroom Of Three-Year-Olds | Page: 54
  • #success #compound-time
  • Instead, you need to give your mind clear, direct and specific advice about how your day is going to unfold and what rewards you’re going to reap for it later on.
  • 6 Your Mind Is Like A Classroom Of Three-Year-Olds | Page: 54
  • #success
  • This feeling— that you’re not enough— is the issue that’s at the core of so many people’s problems.
  • 8 The Biggest Challenge To Enjoying Happiness And Inner Peace | Page: 69
  • #i-am-enough
  • Say it in multiple tenses: “I am enough, I’ve always been enough, I will always be enough.”
  • 8 The Biggest Challenge To Enjoying Happiness And Inner Peace | Page: 73
  • #i-am-enough
  • We are socialized from a relatively young age to demur when we are given compliments. We deflect, minimize and self- deprecate because we’ve been taught that the worst thing we can be is arrogant.
  • 9 Criticism Withers; Praise Builds | Page: 75
  • #taking-compliments
  • “Criticism withers, praise builds.”
  • 9 Criticism Withers; Praise Builds | Page: 78
  • #praise
  • Writing a book is a long, solitary process that takes an immense amount of resolve and commitment.
  • 9 Criticism Withers; Praise Builds | Page: 78
  • #writing
  • As I was writing, I would say in my head that this book was great, would help so many people, and sell lots of copies. I didn’t know if it was true or not, but it was that internal encouragement that gave me the commitment and resolve to continue until it was done.
  • 9 Criticism Withers; Praise Builds | Page: 78
  • #writing
  • Two most important days in your life: The day you were born and the day you discover why. Mark Twain, Author
  • 12 Putting It All Together To Create An Incredible Life | Page: 105
  • #birth
  • Successful, in this context, means something entirely different. It means being your own ally, friend, and cheerleader, even when the world or your social network isn’t doing that for you.
  • 12 Putting It All Together To Create An Incredible Life | Page: 105
  • #success
  • I said earlier in this book that I firmly believe “inner work,” including self- love and the belief that “I am enough,” is the kind of material that should be taught in schools— right alongside math, economics, and English.
  • 12 Putting It All Together To Create An Incredible Life | Page: 106
  • #i-am-enough
  • A purpose is one thing for everyone though: When you are doing it, you feel complete and total peace in the knowledge that this is what you’re meant to be doing.
  • 12 Putting It All Together To Create An Incredible Life | Page: 107
  • #purpose
  • So, how can a person find this purpose if they’re not sure what it’s supposed to be? Here is a clue: Your purpose very often has a direct relationship with whatever you loved to do between the ages of about seven and fourteen.
  • 12 Putting It All Together To Create An Incredible Life | Page: 107
  • #purpose
  • As I said above, our culture unfortunately is very fixated on achievement. We don’t think it’s worth doing something unless we can be great at it or unless it can make us wealthy and adored and famous.
  • 12 Putting It All Together To Create An Incredible Life | Page: 108
  • #culture
  • From all my work with people, I truly believe that the largest cause of depression is failing to follow your heart’s desire in a profound and deep way. Don’t allow yourself to do this.
  • 12 Putting It All Together To Create An Incredible Life | Page: 108
  • #purpose
  • Here's looking at the new 'always enough' you.
  • 12 Putting It All Together To Create An Incredible Life | Page: 115
  • #last-sentence